


Eventually We Get It

by moonlitfog



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack, Language, Light Bondage, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Prompt Fic, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-04 22:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitfog/pseuds/moonlitfog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim discovers he has an inconvenient reaction to Bones's ranting, and Bones takes a chance.<br/>Another prompt fill for Buckle-up meme on LJ. This was the prompt:<br/>How about Jim gets turned on when Bones yells at him. At first he thinks it is just a minor annoyance but it keeps getting worse and he has to come up with more and more ridiculous reasons to run away when Bones is lecturing him. Maybe one time he can't go anywhere and is forced to stay where Bones can yell at him and Bones finally gets a clue. And pounces, of course. This is straight up crack and I failed to get a beta. Again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eventually We Get It

The first time it happened, Jim thought it was a fluke. He hadn't meant to break Bones's favorite coffee mug. It wasn't his fault he had been reaching for his PADD when Bones burst into the room yelling about 'irresponsible fool-hardy risk-taking cadets and the ridiculously negligent instructors who let them take chances in those god-forsaken death-trap shuttles'. It wasn't his fault it startled him so badly he knocked over the mug and it did a free-fall to the floor, shattering irreparably.

Bones stared in astonished ire, then, hands clutching his hair, he screamed. Jim gaped and backed up a pace. “I-it's OK Bones, I'll clean it up, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to do that, I'll get you another one...” He broke off his babbling as Bones started yelling at him. Jim's blood heated as Bones ranted about clumsy roommates who not only can't take care of their own things, they can't take care of other people's things, and that was when Jim realized, to his horror, that the blood was starting to pool somewhere significantly south of his face.

Gasping, he frantically looked at the chronometer and blurted, “Sorry, Bones, I'm late for class. I have to run. I'll clean this up when I get back.” Then, there was no other way to put it. James Tiberius Kirk was _not_ a coward, but he ran.

~O~

The second time it happened, Jim was minding his own business, necking with the sweet Risan girl he'd picked up at the bar. They were just getting to the hands under the clothes stage when Bones stomped in and stopped dead, staring at the couple in outrage. “Damn it, Jim, I put up with way more shit from you than I should have to, but this is too much. I don't care if you bring people over, fine, go for it. But not on _my bed_ , godamit.”

The girl had already made herself scarce, and see if Jim Kirk gave _her_ a second chance at his awesome self, but by the time Bones was dropping his PADDs on the desk Jim realized he was getting aroused. Really aroused. This was so not cool. He jumped up, and yelled, “Sorry, Bones, won't happen again, I'm-late-I'm-supposed-to-meet-someone-somewhere-to-do-something-I'll-see-you-later.” He was out the door before Bones could turn and mumble, “What?” in bewilderment.

~O~

The third time Jim began to suspect this might become a problem. This was going from a pesky fluke to a bad habit. He was in the cafeteria, eating his mystery meat loaf and paste-pretending-to-be-potatoes and trying not to look too closely at the pile of green mush (overcooked broccoli? Unlucky caterpillars? Science experiment run amok?) when Bones stalked over and dropped his tray (was that salad or jello gone wrong?) on the table.

Bones started ranting, voice steadily rising. It started with Bones babbling about an incompetent doctor too stupid to know the difference between a hypospray and a Klingon Bird of Prey, segued into a diatribe about taking yet another remedial class because some damned fool bureaucrat was too idiotic to read his qualifications and moved on to the home front. “And what the fuck, Jim? What the fuck? Really? A sock and a used condom? In the kitchen sink? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know how unsanitary that is?”

Jim, eyes bugging out and voice choked, blurted “IgottarunBonesI'mlateforsomething,I'lltalktoyoulater,bye!” and ran. Well, hobbled as fast as he could, and hoped nobody realized his cock was a thick rod down his right thigh. He made it to the restroom and moaned in relief as he stroked the ache away. With a sigh, Jim reflected that this was going to be a terrible trial but on the bright side: he was going to get _even more awesomely excellent_ at sprinting.

~O~

The fourth time Jim just sighed when he saw Bones storming toward their dorm and tried to sneak out before he got there. “Damn you Jim, what the hell were you thinking when you decided to drink my entire bottle of bourbon? Did you really think I wouldn't notice?”

Oh, wow, it was only taking a few words from Bones now for him to get the Raging Boner From Hell. Jim waved backwards over his head as he fled down the hall and called “Gotta go, they're having pizza at the cafeteria today.” Bones stared after him, jaw working soundlessly, eyebrows raised almost to his hairline. Jim hated the pizza at the cafeteria. He compared it to cardboard with red library paste for color, and shoe leather and floor sweepings for flavor. Shaking his head, he went in their room. Fuck Jim, he had studying to do.

~O~

Things devolved from there. Bones would show up somewhere, start yelling, and Jim would run the other way as fast as he could. The reasons for the yelling varied. “Damn it, Jim, why the fuck did you think it was a good idea to eat mystery food when you know you're allergic to half the stuff in the known universe?” “Damn it, Jim. I told you, not in my bed.” “Damn it, Jim. The Kobayashi Maru? Again?” “Damn it, Jim. How did you think mooning the astrophysics instructor was a good idea?” “Damn it, Jim, you know you aren't supposed to cook.”

The excuses varied. “Gotta run, Bones, there's donuts in the library.” “I'm late for a class. In... hosiery repair. Yeah.” “Can't talk Bones, I have a baby to deliver.” “Later Bones, I think I'm allergic to this paint color.” “Not now, there's a sale! On teddy bears! And... and... chloroform, and sewing kits! Right now! Need to stock up!” The expression on Bones's face became more bewildered with each episode and Jim's balls got bluer. Something had to give.

~O~

Jim was sitting on the biobed in the clinic, legs swinging as he waited for whatever doctor was on duty to come fix his broken nose. Damn that guy, sucker punching him like that. He didn't know the chick he was flirting with was his sister, for hell's sakes. It wasn't like he was going to do her or something. He was a little perturbed when he realized he hadn't done anything but his fist for months now. It seemed every time he thought about sex with some pretty young thing, Bones would pop into his head, yelling at him, and he'd be off to jerk one out. Not cool. Well, the Bones part was cool, it was the reaction to Bones's raised voice that wasn't.

Aaaand, wasn't it just his luck. In walked Bones, Doctor-On-Duty. He stood, back to the door, glaring at Jim. Slipping his hand behind his back, he locked the door. Jim was damned well going to stay and be yelled at this time. He grated out, “Well, Jim. Broken nose? _Again_?” as he stomped over to snatch up the osteo-regenerator. Slamming it down on the tray by the biobed, he tackled Jim, taking him by surprise, whipping the medical restraints across his chest and thighs before Jim had time to blink.

Bones stared at him smugly while Jim futilely thrashed and swore. Jim might be cheetah-quick, but Bones was the one used to dealing with recalcitrant patients. He was courteous enough to fix Jim's nose before commencing an epic chastisement. He was just in the middle of a great rant, and didn't it feel good to finally vent like this, when he turned and noticed Jim, red-faced and with a very nice hard-on, thank you very much. “What the fuck, Jim?”

“Either let me out of here or kill me now, OK, Bones?”

Bones stared speculatively at Jim, putting together his odd behavior over the previous few months. He was fine until Bones started yelling, then he lit out like a bat out of hell. He hadn't had to yell at Jim in months about getting frisky in his bed. In fact, he wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd seen evidence of any friskiness at all. It was the raised voice, though... Hmm. He was a doctor, and all doctors liked to experiment now and then. Eyes narrowed, he barked, “What the hell does E equals MC squared mean, anyway?”

Jim's cock twitched and his head twisted toward the wall as he gulped. “What's the worst vid you've ever seen,” he shouted and watched as Jim's hips jerked involuntarily. Jim didn't see the predatory grin that spread over Bones's lips or the wicked gleam in his eyes as he sauntered over to him. For a big man, he could move with amazing stealth. Jim jerked and drew in a shuddering breath when Bones slid his hand over Jim's chest and yelled, “You're way too fuckin' pretty for your own good.”

In a quieter voice he asked, “Why didn't you say somethin', kid?”

“Oh, what? Tell my straight roommate, hey, guess what dude? I get crazy hard when you start yelling at me? It's humiliating enough without adding that to the many reasons you have to yell.”

“Ever think I might start yelling to _get_ you hard? And who said I'm straight? I've been know to enjoy a little of the 'grass is greener' philosophy. You aren't the only equal opportunity guy around, you know.”

Jim's eyes darted to Bones and he held his breath as he evaluated what he'd said, parsing the words for truth and hidden meanings. Not that there could be too many hidden meanings now that he thought about it. Suddenly unsure, he swallowed nervously and covered it with brash cockiness. He licked his lips and tried a smirk on for size. It fit pretty well, he decided.

“So, do I have to keep yelling or can we just see what happens?”

“Nah, I think you’ve done a good enough job with the foreplay.”

“FOREPLAY? The hell if ranting at you is _foreplay_. I’ll show you foreplay, you idiot.”

“Yeah? Well, why don’t you let me up and we’ll take this back to our room. I'll give you a reason to yell, hmmm?” Jim leered suggestively and waggled his hands as best he could with his arms strapped to his sides.

“Oh, no, kid. Not on your life. I like you right where you are. Those straps can just stay right there. I haven’t cleared you to leave yet.” Bones's voice had dropped an octave and had softened to a dangerous growl. Damn if that voice wasn't even more erotic than Bones in full rage mode. He was having a hard time keeping his breathing under control. Well, at least if he hyperventilated and passed out, he was in the right place.

The grin on Bones’s face was decidedly unsettling. Jim swallowed nervously and why was he nervous? This was just Bones. Bones, his roommate. His sexy roommate. His sexy roommate with the killer smile and hot accent and squeezable ass and hair he wanted to sink his fingers in. His roommate who had suddenly morphed into Mr. Seduction Walking. Maybe he had a good reason to be nervous.

Bones ran his hands up Jim's torso, stroking lightly over the fabric, up over his chest and slipped over his throat to his face. Bones acted like he was reading Jim in Braille, running his fingers and thumbs over Jim's jaw and cheekbones, traced his brows and stroked under his eyes before a finger traced over his lips. Jim swallowed convulsively and licked at Bones's fingertip. Bones paused, allowing his finger to slip inside, tracing over Jim's lower teeth then across his tongue. When Jim sucked, hollowing his cheeks and stroking with his tongue, finger lightly clamped between his teeth, holding him there, Bones swore and buried his free hand in the hair on the back of Jim's head.

He cradled Jim's head and leaned over to whisper, “Tonight I'm gonna let you do that to my cock, gonna fuck your mouth until I come before I flip you over and finger you slow and deep. Then I'm gonna fuck you into the mattress. Right now, though, I'm just gonna blow you until you scream.” He sucked in a sharp breath as Jim bit down harder than he intended and holy hell, did Jim just _whine_? Bones chuckled then pulled back on his finger, stroking it down Jim's chin and along his neck before trailing it over his collarbone.

“Bones,” Jim stuttered in an agonized voice. “Please. Stop teasing.”

“Nah, sugar, that's not how I work. You're gonna learn to love it slow.”

Jim swallowed again and licked his lips before biting on the lower one as Bones moved his hands to circle and flick at Jim's nipples, pebbled hard under his shirts. Jim's brows furrowed and he panted through parted lips as Bones moved lower, his fingers sliding over warm flesh where the shirts were now rucked up. As he slid his fingertips along the skin under the edge of Jim's trousers, Jim moaned and tried to buck but was held by the restraints.

Bones smiled and deftly slipped the trousers open before pulling them and Jim's boxers down enough to free the cock aching there. It was already flushed red and a drop of pre-come rolled slowly down the head to spread along the edge of the crown. Bones had to admit it was a lovely penis. His imagination hadn't done it justice, and he had imagined many times what it would look like engorged and waiting for him.

Jim's thigh jerked as Bones ran a finger lightly from tip to base following the pulsing vein and his own cock twitched in sympathy as Jim tossed his head and gasped, “Bones. Please. Do something. Now.”

Bones ran the palm of his hand back up the length and separated his index and middle finger so the head fit snugly between them then closed the rest of his hand around Jim's dick so he could stroke Jim down to the base. Jim cried out, the sensation just on the good side of too much and Bones maintained the grip, jacking Jim with long, slow strokes.

When Jim's stomach sucked in and his hips tried to rock, Bones fitted his mouth around the head and chased his hand to the hair curled at the root. He released his grip and pressed down with his mouth until his nose was filled with the scent of clean skin and Jim's cock was rubbing at the back of his throat. He paused then, swallowing against a burst of pure lust and need, then rolled his tongue in a wave against the vein.

Jim’s hands were clenching and flexing against the biobed as he warred with himself, wanting, _needing_ to come, but desperate to have it last. Bones gazed up through his lashes as he bobbed his head, flicking his tongue across the glans on every upstroke. He watched Jim worry his lip then gasp and raise his head to look down. When Bones gripped the base and fluttered his tongue against the spot just under the head then sucked before deep-throating him again, Jim’s eyes rolled back in his head.

With a deep chested groan, Jim let his head thump back down on the biobed. He writhed against the restraints and his hands fluttered as close to Bones as they would reach. He started a rhythmic moaning punctuated by “Yesss, oh fuck, Bones, so good”. Abruptly he tensed, balls drawn up tight, teeth clenched before blurting, “Bones guh-gonna” and then Bones’s mouth was alive with the hotsaltysweetbitter taste of Jim’s orgasm.

He cradled Jim, delicately cleaning him, licking off the last drop that squeezed from his still-hard-but-not-for-long cock. He carefully cupped the now limp flesh and watched Jim come down, breathing losing its frantic pace, body loosening and smile curving gently. “Daaaamn, Bones. Why did I not know you were so good at that?”

Bones snorted, lips twitching in an almost smile. “How did I not know you got off on yelling? And how did I not suspect you might be interested in a good time with a grumpy old man when you’re up for it with every other sentient being in the universe?”

Jim squirmed. “Well, it’s not yelling in general. Just your yelling.” A faint flush stained his cheeks and his eyes shifted away to stare intently at the little indent in the ceiling where an inebriated cadet had cracked his head when he thought jumping on the biobed was a _good_ idea.

Bones pondered Jim, suddenly on unsure footing. He had wanted Jim for most of their time at the Academy, but had been relegated to the sidelines, watching as Jim flitted about pollinating every likely bloom. He had contented himself with epic Bones/Jim mental porn and the comfort of his hand. He would occasionally admit to himself that he was jealous of the young, pretty, nubile cadets who had been favored with Jim’s attentions. Now he felt like Jim was hinting at something he was afraid to examine in case he was wrong.

Clearing his throat, he unstrapped Jim. “Well. Anyway. Up you go. You’re as healed as I can make you. No fixing that thick skull, though,” he grumbled off before realizing Jim had sat up and was staring intently at him. Suddenly self-conscious, he mumbled, “What?” allowing annoyance to flavor the word. He had just decided he really, truly, deeply regretted his impulsive actions when Jim grinned.

“My reputation is a little exaggerated, Bones. I just like to flirt. People assume that means I’m doing the flirtee. I’d have to be a freaking fountain to be able to fuck everyone I’ve supposedly slept with. Nobody has that much sperm or time.”

Bones blinked at him. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I’m not opposed to having a good time now and then, but I'm a busy guy. I’ve got too much to do to waste all my time slutting around campus. I’ve got goals, baby.”

Snapping out “Who the hell are you calling baby?” he glared at Jim, arms folded and foot tapping.

“You.” Slipping agilely off the bed, Jim casually did up his trousers and licked a promise into Bones’s mouth before unlocking the door. Pausing before he opened it, he leveled an intense blue stare at Bones. “I’ll be back in our room at 1800 hours. For you, I’ll make all the time in the world,” and he was out the door and off.

Bones gaped at the space Jim had just occupied and then shut his mouth with a click of teeth. A wide grin spread lazily and he hummed a bit as he wandered down the hall. He didn’t notice the student nurse who flattened herself against the wall as he passed, her fingers forming a cross to ward off the evil that had apparently possessed him. He had plans to make.

**Author's Note:**

> It should go without saying that I don't know or own or profit from these characters. I'm just amusing myself. I apologize for the comma-abuse and other grammar sins. If you see something that needs to be corrected and you feel like telling me, I'll be happy to fix it. Also, I apologize for my inability to write porn well.


End file.
